Win Them Over: Get Out Of Your Own Head

The fastest way to determine compatibility

Adulting in your 30s


Even as a self proclaimed self aware, therapied-up, mature, sensible, rational adult, when it comes to dating, it’s still hard not to get inside my head.

Especially when I actually like the person, then suddenly I’m a useless teenager.

Somehow, when I go on a date with someone I’m not so sure about, or where immediate sparks do not fly when our eyes meet, I’m confident, interesting, make good jokes, nonchalant, and I leave them wanting more, always.

When I’m on a date with someone I feel a connection with, I’m slightly awkward, I forget how to ask questions, I’m a deer in headlights when there’s a moment of silence.

Why can’t I get it together?

There’s a perfectly good reason to feel insecure

I’m sure the stark contrast between my femme fatale persona when on a date with someone I don’t like that much vs hot mess teenager when on a date with a crush has a scientific and perfectly reasonable psychological explanation.

If I’m as bad-ass when I have a crush (let’s call it that, since I obviously can’t be in love with anyone yet in this dating stage) as when I’m leading a work meeting, then things would be better.

If I’m as self assured on my dates with my crushe(es?) as when I’m on a date with a meh person, then things would better.

Except, would things be better?

What does better even mean?

Does it mean I’m living happily ever after?

What does that even mean?

Make yourself get over it

Taking a step back, the self doubt, absolutely mortifying awkwardness, and panic we feel when faced with someone we like could be things that are all in our heads.

Maybe, just maybe, the other person doesn’t really perceive this. Perhaps, taking a wild stab here, the other person feels the same way.

And so we just need to force ourselves to separate from all the panic and uncertainty in our head, and remind ourselves that we are actually pretty awesome and even though they seem cool too, they would be damn lucky to have us.



Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time