Win Them Over: Get Out Of Your Own Head

The fastest way to determine compatibility

Adulting in your 30s
3 min readNov 8, 2023

Even as a self proclaimed self aware, therapied-up, mature, sensible, rational adult, when it comes to dating, it’s still hard not to get inside my head.

Especially when I actually like the person, then suddenly I’m a useless teenager.

Somehow, when I go on a date with someone I’m not so sure about, or where immediate sparks do not fly when our eyes meet, I’m confident, interesting, make good jokes, nonchalant, and I leave them wanting more, always.

When I’m on a date with someone I feel a connection with, I’m slightly awkward, I forget how to ask questions, I’m a deer in headlights when there’s a moment of silence.

Why can’t I get it together?

There’s a perfectly good reason to feel insecure

I’m sure the stark contrast between my femme fatale persona when on a date with someone I don’t like that much vs hot mess teenager when on a date with a crush has a scientific and perfectly reasonable psychological explanation.

If I’m as bad-ass when I have a crush (let’s call it that, since I obviously can’t be in love with anyone yet in this dating stage) as when I’m leading a work meeting, then things would be better.

If I’m as self assured on my dates with my crushe(es?) as when I’m on a date with a meh person, then things would better.



Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time