To text or not to text

That is the million dollar question

Adulting in your 30s

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It sounds so elementary.

I’m a fully functioning adult in their late 30s. My stomach should not go to knots at the decision or indecision over texts.

And yet, when faced with a new crush, I feel like a helpless teenager again.

Secure behavior: Texting with good friends

This is my healthy example. With close friends whom I feel completely secure in the relationship, I don’t obsess over timing, frequency, or content of a text. If I think of something I want to tell them over text, I send it.

I know they will not judge me for it. I know they will respond in their own time.

Yes, I don’t expect them to reply to me right away. Or even today.

I believe that life is stressful enough as is, and we don’t need to feel the pressure of responding to texts in a timely manner in a friendship.

Insecure behavior: Texting with a new crush

Everything changes now, since I don’t have the same security in the relationship.

Can texting out of blue seem too needy? Too attentive? Too interested?

Will they lose interest because I reply to quickly and eagerly?

I know this is not a game, and I don’t want to play games. Yet, it feels like there is a strategic way to handle texts with a new crush.

Objectively I see that I should probably treat it with the same security I feel with my friendships. Text if I feel like it. Don’t stress out about what they’re thinking.

The reality is, if they were going to lose interest in me because I texted too much or too little, well, the relationship probably was doomed to fail longer term anyway.

But still, it’s hard.

Insecure behavior: Texting with a committed partner

Ideally here I would follow the same security of my friendships and let go of expectations of response speed or number of text their initiate.

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Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time