To text or not to text

That is the million dollar question

Adulting in your 30s


It sounds so elementary.

I’m a fully functioning adult in their late 30s. My stomach should not go to knots at the decision or indecision over texts.

And yet, when faced with a new crush, I feel like a helpless teenager again.

Secure behavior: Texting with good friends

This is my healthy example. With close friends whom I feel completely secure in the relationship, I don’t obsess over timing, frequency, or content of a text. If I think of something I want to tell them over text, I send it.

I know they will not judge me for it. I know they will respond in their own time.

Yes, I don’t expect them to reply to me right away. Or even today.

I believe that life is stressful enough as is, and we don’t need to feel the pressure of responding to texts in a timely manner in a friendship.

Insecure behavior: Texting with a new crush

Everything changes now, since I don’t have the same security in the relationship.

Can texting out of blue seem too needy? Too attentive? Too interested?

Will they lose interest because I reply to quickly and eagerly?

I know this is not a game, and I don’t want to play games. Yet, it feels like there is a strategic way to handle texts with a new crush.

Objectively I see that I should probably treat it with the same security I feel with my friendships. Text if I feel like it. Don’t stress out about what they’re thinking.

The reality is, if they were going to lose interest in me because I texted too much or too little, well, the relationship probably was doomed to fail longer term anyway.

But still, it’s hard.

Insecure behavior: Texting with a committed partner

Ideally here I would follow the same security of my friendships and let go of expectations of response speed or number of text their initiate.



Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time