Talk Nerdy to Me: The Art of Healthy Communication in Relationships

Spoiler: Communication is more important than compatibility

Adulting in your 30s

--

Communication in relationships is like deciphering an ancient scroll — complicated, often confusing, and if you get it wrong, you might accidentally summon a demon (metaphorically, of course).

While on a mushroom trip with my ex, I came to the super insightful conclusion that all our problems would be solved if my partner could just read my mind.

That was it! The root of all our unhappiness! The fact that he couldn’t understand the messages that I try so hard to communicate to him.

Then I would not have to spend so much energy trying to explain to him what makes clear logical sense in my head, only to have him look at me in distain and reply: No, it makes no sense.

Active Listening Techniques: Ears Wide Open

Listening isn’t just nodding your head and pretending to understand while you think about what you are going to say next.

It’s a full-contact sport.

Put down the phone, turn off the TV, and give your partner the attention they deserve.

As Stephen R. Covey wisely said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Be the exception.

No Take Backs: Don’t Say Anything You’d Regret

Nonviolent communication is about expressing your feelings without turning your words into ninja stars.

As Marshall B. Rosenberg put it, “It’s not what you do, but the energy with which you do it.” Keep your energy Zen, not Godzilla.

If you’re feeling too emotion to say anything productive, don’t say anything at all.

Let your partner know that you need some time to cool down first.

Don’t say anything you’ll regret later.

Once the words are out, they are out. You can never take them back. Think about it.

Handle with Care: Fragile Egos Inside

Difficult conversations are like defusing bombs, minus the dramatic countdown (usually).

Approach them with care, choose your words wisely, and remember that your partner’s ego is…

--

--

Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time