Should you keep a “friend with benefit?”

A little bit of casual sex never hurt anyone…?

Adulting in your 30s


I know there are many different relationships out there. So disclaimer: I’m writing this with the assumption that you want a committed monogamous long term relationship. That is personally my goal (open to being converted at some point though 😉).

If that’s not your cup of tea, jump to the last section.

Ok, you, person who wants to find a serious long term relationship.

A friend with benefit…yes, I’m talking about the person you keep around just for sex.

And I’ll just come right out and say that a friend with benefit is never a good use of your time.

Prove me wrong.

I know, the reality is much more complicated than its sounds. It’s never just sex. You also have good conversation. You laugh together. You are a lot in common. They know just the right way to touch you and you feel safe and secure in their arms.

I mean, are they even just a “friend with benefit”?

Do you (or they) see a future together?

If your goal is a committed relationship, then any time you spend with someone who you don’t see potential in as a long term partner, or someone who doesn’t see you as long term partner material, is a waste 👏 of 👏 your 👏 time.

There is no way around it. Any time you spend with this person, while exciting and satisfying in the moment, is not building towards anything.

It’s like eating junk food.

Watching cat videos.

I’m not saying you should never indulge, but if you do, make sure you are doing it with intention and self awareness. Do it as an active decision to take a detour for some fun. Do it knowing that this it’s taking time and energy away from your real goal.

And don’t do it for too long, okay?

Do you feel good after spending time together?

Yes, I know first hand how fun it is to spend a whole afternoon lying around naked, having amazing sex, cuddling, talking about life, and then having amazing sex again.



Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time