Saying no to a first date kiss

Why is it so hard?

Sometimes I feel like I owe it to them.

Like, if they went all out and paid for the meal and then walked me home and was super nice, then I should at least let them have a kiss.

But no, my kiss — my consent — is not for sale.

A few times, I’d had people ask me if it’s okay to kiss me.

I love this. It shows respect, and it gives me a very direct chance to say yes or no. If I still say yes, then it’s on me.

But if they just lean in, and I let them, and I sort of kiss them back, is that okay? Or am I just betraying myself?

Once, recently, someone leaned in for a kiss, I turned my head, they then boldly said “hey, come back (for the kiss)”.

Too much.

It felt sleezy, and that made it easy for me to say “No, it’s too soon”.

But the truth is, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like kissing someone after a first date.

Attraction doesn’t work that way for me. I enjoy the slow burn, I realize.

I want the tension to slowly build up. Them to not even try to kiss me for a few dates, until I am the one who wants it.