On the edge of loneliness

A battle between my rational and anxious self

Recently, I spent 24/7 with my family for 16 full days. First, we traveled together on a ten day roadtrip, spending hours in the car together. Then, they stayed with me in my 49 square meter apartment. Snug, cozy, everyone is always slightly intruding on everyone, but deep down we are all relishing the few moments of physical closeness after being oceans away.

The last 16 days were action packed. Waterfalls, hikes, rain, hot springs, restaurants, super markets, cooking, bunkers, contemporary art, even a giant kite festival on an old airfield.

This morning, my family left to fly back to America.

Now, I’m stuck between the relief of privacy and peace — the joy of doing whatever a want, of not closing the bathroom door — and the creeping loneliness created by the silence.

Rationally, I am enjoying having my apartment to myself. It’s a load off my shoulders not worrying whether someone is bored or where I should take them next in the city.

Yet, the change is maybe too drastic. Instinctively, I crave human interaction, even though I know simply asking a random friend to meet up may not in fact feel fulfilling.

Do I want to be alone, or do I want company?

Am I lonely, or do I just need some time to adjust?

My anxious loneliness tell me to grab the first opportunity to socialize and go out.