News Flash: No One is Thinking About You

Or how I’ve learned to speak my mind

Which is different from no one cares about you.

A lot of people care about you, love you even; but the reality is, often when you’re worrying about what people think, the ones who love you are not the people you have in mind.

Instead, you worry what your colleagues will think if you suggest your idea or object to their idea.

You worry what the waiter will think if you mention all your customization requests or want to move to the table with the view that has now freed up.

You worry what the people behind you in line will think if you try to use up your coins at check out (ok they may be annoyed or rolling their eyes, but that’s on them. You use up those coins!)

You worry what the passerby on the street will think if you laugh out loud at your friend’s joke.

Sometimes you even worry about it days after. How you shouldn’t have said that stupid thing, reliving the shame over and over.

You worry, I worry, we worry.

I cannot count the times I rehearse in my head what I want to say in a meeting but don’t manage to work up the courage. Eventually the moment passes, and I feel less confident for it.

Or all the times I decide to hold back asking for what I need or want to preemptively not inconvenience someone else.