I’ve gone “no contact” for over a month since my breakup, and it feels great.

Close that door and don’t look back

Adulting in your 30s

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I don’t see a future for us, they said.

I don’t feel inherently excited when thinking about the idea of us moving in together, they said.

Are they breaking up with me? As I heard these words, I knew what was coming. I started bracing myself.

I started telling close friends that we’re probably breaking up.

But I waited for them to say the actual words.

“Are we broken up now?” I’d ask.

“No, not yet…” they’d hesitate.

Nevertheless, I started prepping myself for the breakup.

Although I had a week head start, when they finally said “Yes” to my question of “Are we borken up now?” It still hurt. I felt the one week lead I had disappear into thin air as my heart was ripped out anew.

“How do you want to proceed? Should we still check-in once in a while?” they asked.

“No” I managed.

I don’t remember my exact words, but I was finally mature enough to know that every interaction would be reopening the wound, and I would only feel worse everytime I heard from him, or didn’t hear from him. I would be holding out hope, waiting for him to text at any moment to check-in, and I didn’t want to feel that way.

Even for the final exchange of the last few pieces of ourselves that we left at each other’s apartments, I accepted their offer to do it at a time when I was not home.

And just like that. They were out of my life.

Something I didn’t expect about no contact is how surreal it can feel after a few weeks.

Something I didn’t expect about no contact is how surreal it can feel after a few weeks.

Someone you used to talk to and text with daily, spend entire weekends with, suddenly disappears.

I didn’t realize the weekend we spent together was going to be the last. Or that when we made a steak dinner together, it was going to be the last meal we shared.

Now, suddenly it feels like maybe they never existed, that the last years were just a dream.

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Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time