It turns out I have been in denial about my anxious attachment style

Adulting in your 30s
4 min readSep 26, 2023

It only took me 36 years to find out

Attachment style theory has been around for a while, and I’ve taken several quizzes and read some articles and books to try to figure out what I am.

However, I never felt like I quite fit into any of the styles.

Most of the descriptions for anxious attachment opens by talking about the intense fear that one’s partner would leave them.

I don’t feel this way. I don’t have constant anxiety that my partner would break up with me.

So, I must not have an anxious attachment style.

Wrong wrong wrong!

I was hypersensitive to any micro sighs of disengagement

I don’t obsessively send them endless texts until they reply. And I don’t get mad at them for not replying quick. So, I must not be anxiously attached.

Except, although I’ve rationalized and told myself to not act on these toxic behaviors, inside, I still felt triggered when they would take hours to reply to a text, and or didn’t text me for a whole day. I couldn’t help but feel like maybe they were mad at me? maybe I wasn’t important enough? how hard is it to reply to a text?

Not only that, I expected them to be always “on”. I looked to their cheerfulness and good humor to reassure myself that things were okay between us.



Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time