Is it love or something else?

Undoing 30 plus years of fake news about love

Adulting in your 30s


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By now, I know that love is not a feeling.

Growing up, pop culture, movies, shows, and books have instilled in me the strong conviction that love is feeling.

It’s a feeling you get when you get the butterflies in your stomach. When you want to spend all your time with them. When the sight of them makes you smile.

But as I get older, I eventually learned that love is not at all a feeling. Love is an action. Love is willingness to do the work. Love is accepting someone else’s differences and flaws. Love is not need to be right. Love is open communication.

My rational brain knows this. Yet, I’m only realizing now how deeply the myth about the feeling of love is engrained in me.

Is it a connection?

In the early stages of dating, it’s not love, it’s a connection.

Recently, I met someone that I felt a good connection with. This part is mostly instinctive. Maybe it’s their looks. The way they talk. Their voice. Their story.

Something about them just clicks, and you feel the butterflies. You want to see more of them.

I find myself defaulting to the thought that I love him. Although my rational brain scoffs at this and immediate says, NO YOU DON’T.

You can’t possible love him. You don’t even know him.

Is it excitement?

Let’s say you’ve taken the time to get to know this person that you feel a connection with.

When they text you something sweet, it feels wonderful. Again, in that moment, my whole being jumps to the conclusion I’m in love with them.

No, I’m obviously not, I have to keep reminding myself.

You’re excited about them. You find them fascinating. You’re attracted to them.

But you’re not in love.

Are you ready to love?

In the early stages of getting to know someone, the closest thing to love is to think about whether you are ready to love them.



Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time