I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but don’t go on a date if you’re not excited

It sounds obvious, but sometimes we get desperate…

Adulting in your 30s

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Dating can be frustrating.

Inevitably, when the matches get less frequent, and dates haven’t happened for a while, we start to lower our standards a bit.

We think — welllllll why not give this person a chance? We swipe on someone we wouldn’t normally on a good day, and we agree to dates just to see what happens.

Who knows? It could be love!

Except, in my experience, my gut feeling about someone is usually quite accurate. If I feel unsure about a date yet agree to meet someone because they seem nice enough, it’s never love. I always end the date with the same feeling I started with — that they’re just okay.

Maybe if we had met under different circumstances with more time for them to grow on me things could have been different. But the reality is that we met on a dating app, and the expectation since we matched is that there is mutual attraction already. So when it turns out to be one sided, it’s difficult to convince the other side that you need more time.

Re-reading my journal entries, I was reminded by how excited I felt when I was going on a first date with my last boyfriend. That date turned into a two year relationship. I wrote a note to myself that night that I should never go on a date again unless I feel excited. This is what dating should feel like!

And it wasn’t that we had several long deep chats before we met. It just felt right somehow. Things just clicked. If you’ve been partaking inonline dating for a while, you probably know this feeling.

Some people check the boxes but the initial chat feels forced. With others, it doesn’t take much before you start to vibe.

So what I’m saying to myself, and to anyone out there braving the online dating life are these two things:

Trust your gut

It sounds cliché and bit unscientific, but there are in fact a lot of studies around how our gut feelings come from the aggregation of our past experiences and are therefore generally quite accurate.

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Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time