I’m interested in you, even though I don’t ask you enough questions

Is this conversation becoming one sided?

Adulting in your 30s

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The first time my ex brought this up in a fight, I was flabbergasted.

What?

What do you mean you feel like I’m not curious enough about you?

I thought my feelings for them were self evident. I didn’t see any issues with not asking any follow-up questions once they finished telling me a story. Isn’t that just a sign that they were very thorough in their storytelling?

It hadn’t occurred to me that not asking questions in a conversation icould be interpreted as a lack of interest.

I started looking inwards. Why do I often find myself passively listening in a group conversation rather than actively participating? Why doesn’t asking questions come easily to me, despite me being interested in someone, whether it be a colleague, friend, or lover?

Silence is golden

Growing up, my mom was always the talker of the family. She could fill up airtime without anyone asking her anything, continuously volunteering information about herself or soething that happened to her. She rarely thinks to ask me anything.

So, being in a “conversation” with her generally does not require any input on my end. It’s just her talking at me.

Furthermore, when I think back to my childhood, I remember countless large dinners with extended family and family friends. I was always required to stay at the table the entire time, but I was allowed to do my own thing once I was done eating.

Thus, I never engaged in conversation. I answered politely if someone asked my a question. Otherwise, I was usually absorbed in a book, worlds away from the conversation that was happening around me.

All in all, I didn’t have good role models nor develop very good habits for conversation. I learned to listen, but not to think about what I heard and to follow-up on things that piqued my interest.

Is talking to me like talking to a wall??

Putting myself in their shoes

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Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time