How to tell if you’re really over the breakup

It’s not what you think

Adulting in your 30s


It was exactly two months ago that they started acting weird.

The next time we talked, they were saying things like they feel like they can’t be themselves around me and that they would never understand if I were to quit my job to pursue a hobby (something I would totally do).

The whole time, I thought in my head, they’re breaking up with me.

I started texting my friends: I think we’re going to break up.

I started mentally and emotionally preparing myself. Still, no amount of rationalization (you weren’t even happy in the relationship anymore) and self affirmation (you’re better off anyway) could prepare me for the gut wrenching moment when they finally said Yes, we’re broken up.

It’s hard to imagine it was only two months ago that I took down all our photos together and we returned each other’s keys.

For weeks all I could think about was the breakup.

Maybe he was right all along.

I could be a better person.

What if I changed?

Should I tell him about how I’ve changed?

But, I held off.

When they asked how we should approach things after, I immediately blurted out that we should no longer see or contact each other.

That much I was sure.

Now, I’ve started dating again. Once in a while I wonder if it’s all happening too fast. Am I really over the breakup? Is this healthy?

But here are some signs that tell me I’m really over the breakup:

Thinking of them does not come with any emotional reaction

Being over someone doesn’t mean never thinking about them again. Time to time they still cross my mind. Their name pop into my head. But the feeling I have now is entirely neutral. I recognize the thought, and I continue with my day.

Dating doesn’t mean comparing everyone to your ex

When I date, I try to assess each person as their own individual. Sure, all my previous experiences are mixed in to form my judgements. But I’m not explicitly comparing each person to my ex.



Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time