How to date with purpose

Or how I’ve finally written down what I’m looking for in my life partner

Adulting in your 30s
3 min readAug 26


Ok, maybe this is not exactly a how to.

But the first step to dating with purpose is to realize that you should date with purpose. Rather than swiping aimlessly based on your whims and gut feeling, what if you actually put forth a set of criteria to assess each person against?

It sounds a bit mechanical, but I came to this realization after asking myself the awkward question: Why am I still single?

Looking back on my dating life, I realized that my problem stems perhaps from not being picky enough. I fall easily for grand gestures and people who are willing to spend time on me, but the relationships inevitably end when I realize way too long into it that this person is actually not able to meet my needs in a relationship. Worse, I sometimes start to convince myself that I don’t need all these things in a relationship, just so I can keep the companionship.

So, after some reflection, I’ve come up with my list

  1. Emotional Maturity & Empathy
    Can we have deep conversations, sharing about our past, our childhood, our family, our deepest thoughts and feelings? Can I openly share without feeling judged? Can we approach conflicting opinions with empathy and without defensiveness? How do they react in times of conflict or when things don’t go their way?
  2. Time & Affection
    Quality time is my top love language. Beyond that, what physical signs of affection do they show? Things like holding my hand, kisses on the head, hugs and cuddles in private and public. What about verbal signs of affection?
  3. Adventure & Fun
    Adventure is one of my top values. Is this person fun? Do they have ideas of things to do or are open to trying things? How much overlap is there in our hobbies in interests? How do they like to travel, and how does that compare to my preferences?
  4. Financial stability & Money view
    What kind of lifestyle do they want to have? Can we maintain the lifestyle we want without worrying about over-spending? Do they feel confident in their financial situation? What is their view on money, and how does it compare to mine?
  5. Family & Friends
    What is their…



Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time