An apology to all the short men on dating apps

Or how height became a deciding factor in dating

Adulting in your 30s


Short men have it tough on dating apps.

All my girl friends claim height as a crucial criteria for attraction.

Even me, who is only 5'3 (160cm) am biased for height.

It’s really unfair. Sometimes, in retrospect, when I really get a good at these tall men, they’re not even that attractive.

Seriously. I think what happens is that they are so tall that I can’t get a good look at their face. So I just look up and some fog comes over and I mistaken their tallness for defined features or nice eyes or a endearing smile.

Once I took me until the third date to realize a guy was balding, because I never had a chance until that point to see the top of the back of his head.

I’m sure I have swiped left on countless men of my dreams simply because they were not at least 5'11 (180cm).

How did I even come to that number?

Before I moved to Europe my standards were much, well shorter.

I dated mostly Asian men, who are on average shorter. I was fine with 5'7 (170cm) or 5'9 (175cm).

And now I am spoiled with tall European men.

This is really an issue, as I’m rationally well aware that height doesn’t have much (or anything?) to do with compatibility.

But the bigger issue is online dating, where people are reduced to a few facts and figures. Without much material to work with, it’s easy to use height as a filter to sort through the noise.

Is it a good filter? Admitedly not.

I’m sure I could have fallen in love with many of these shorter men if I had just met them organically and had the chance to be charmed by their personality.

Sadly, that’s not how dating works now, especially once you’re out of school and well into your 30’s. You come into contact with less and less eligible and single men.

You waste time getting ready to go on yet another disappointing date.

As a result, height becomes a first line of defense against future incompatibility.

It’s irrational. It’s superficial. It’s a fact.

I wish I had the stats on match rate for dating apps based on height. i would love to see just how widespread the issue is.

Or, maybe it’s just me?

Either way, on behalf of other height-discriminatory women, I’m sorry, men under 5'11 (180cm). I’m sure you’re great.



Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time