5 Steps to Getting Over a Breakup

Or how I moved from sadness to acceptance after my breakup

Adulting in your 30s

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Every relationship is unique, and every break up is different. My story involved two people with a strong connection, who loved each other, but could not see eye to eye on how to empathize with each other and to effectively communicate and accept our differences.

Overtime, we felt like we were walking on eggshells. The other is too sensitive, we told ourselves. We better hold back on who we are and what’s on our mind to avoid conflict. Finally they got too worn down and called it quits. I didn’t argue it.

1. No contact

Have an agreement with them to no longer contact each other. This feels harsh and hard, but it will make your recovery lightyears faster.

Imagine the breakup as a really bad scrape on your knee. Each time you have contact with your ex, you essentially open up the bandaid and poke around at the wound.

Don’t do it.

Don’t check their social media accounts. Don’t check if they’re watching your stories. Get rid of everything at home that reminds you of them. Make sure your phone is not going to suggest photos of them (On the iPhone You can select to never show certain people from memories suggestions).

These physical actions also helps you to slowly come to terms with the breakup, to gradually realize that it’s real.

2. Gather the facts

As a highly logical and rational person, laying down the facts helped a lot.

How has the relationship really been going in the last months? Was I truly happy? Did I really believe in our future?Why or why not?

What are all the reasons why we should continue together? What are all the reasons why it wasn’t working? Do I realistically see us addressing and overcoming all the things that weren’t working?

During this time, I had a lot of thoughts on how I could change to make him happier and to become more of what he needed. At the same time, I recognized there were also many ways I would like him to change to be more of what I needed, and realistically, I didn’t see him changing.

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Adulting in your 30s

Musings and self reflections of a 30 something who feels like an adult but a kid at the same time